Lanna-Lovely

I keep forgetting to post this, but anyway... most of my entries on this journal are friends only so you'll need to add me to be able to see them. I mostly just ramble about writing, the posts set to friends only will definitely be about writing (like talking about new story ideas and putting story/dialogue excerpts and things). :]

-Lanna

They say I have your eyes, your nose, your smile.

Sometimes, when I look in the mirror I see it too and I wonder what else about me is like you.

I was sketching one day and my sister said that you used to do that too.

I hated her for telling me that and I loved her for it too. I hated that she knew that about you -- you are my dad, not hers.

Are? Were? Is it past tense now -- I don't know... you're still my dad but you don't exist in my world in a real way anymore. You have no body or heartbeat. When I'm sad, you can't wrap me up in your arms like you did when I was little and tell me everything will be okay.

I crave to hear more about you from the people who got to know you longer than I did, but I'm afraid to ask. Afraid to show that missing you still hurts.

So I wait. I wait for them to bring you up and then I listen intently, heart battering against my chest, while pretending I'm unphased by it. It doesn't happen much though; either they don't think of you much or they don't like to talk about you... or maybe they just don't like to talk about you around me.

You were one of my uncles best friends, apparently, and he talks about you the most.

Most of my family are done with him, had enough of his lies and his drinking -- I wonder if missing you broke him too, makes him drink more -- but he's my favourite uncle because he doesn't tiptoe around the subject of you. He tells me hilarious stories of your silly antics when you were both younger.

I wonder if he sees a part of you alive in me when he makes me smile, makes my eyes light up in amusement... maybe that's why he's the only one who talks about you so freely when I'm around.

Or maybe he just sees past the lie and sees that I miss you and I need to hear those stories, to remind me that you were real and not just some dream I had that seemed real at the time but faded as the days, months, years passed.

They say I have your eyes... I have hazy memories and a little worn passport photo to find the truth in their words.

I was looking in the mirror today and I paused, looking at my eyes--your eyes--and I realised I don't know what colour your eyes were.

My eyes are shaped like yours, set the same way, longish lashes frame them in the same way as yours but a sadness swirls in the green of mine in a way I never saw in yours.

I don't know if your eyes were green.

I panicked when I couldn't find the picture of you to check, but it's too old and small and faded anyway to give me an answer.

I miss you. No one will ever know how much and more than that, I miss all of the things I didn't get to know, all the memories I missed out on.

You're a jigsaw puzzle to me. Some of the pieces are lost forever and I'll never get to know the full picture, other pieces are locked up tight in the minds of the people who knew you and I can't get to them unless they feel the desire to show me.

You're an abstract part of me, made up of fading memories mingled with dreams and stories I've been told about you.

I wish I knew if your eyes were green like mine.

I wish I knew you better, dad.

--xXx--

This... well, this isn't a story. I always randomly write down crap like this, like a journal whenever I'm thinking about something and need to write it down to get it out of my head and recently I started uploading some of them to deviantart, because I wasn't posting on there as often as I used to... but anyway.

It is what it says in the title really, just a thought. They all are.

This post doesn't have much of a point... except to help me procrastinate. I'm putting off finishing this werewolf one shot for a writing challenge. o.O

Later.

Seriously.


It's hilarious how the paparazzi are calling him an asshole and acting like he was the one being unreasonable when they're the ones being complete dicks and JGL is completely justified in doing what he did and acting that way. It'd be funny if for a day/a week, celebrities stalked the paparazzi with cameras, give them a taste of their own medicine.

Later.

Stolen from sunni_sideup 

This is a 30 day thing but I'm just going to answer them all at once, because I am bored.

Day 1: Your favourite book?

Either Goblet of Fire or Deathly Hallows or Order of the Phoenix... for different reasons.

DH was just epic, the conclusion to this series I had spent nearly half of my life being excited for. GoF, I loved how the plot of that had everything thrown in; mystery, humour, hints or romance, drama and all that -- I liked the conflict with the main characters, Rons jealousy, Hermione being pissed at being seen as one of the guys instead of a girl... things like that, they just made the characters more real and their friendship was stronger because of it and the way it ended, with Voldemort coming back for real this time, I liked that, it was like the true beginning of the war for Harry.

Order of the Phoenix, I just really loved that book and bawled like a baby at the end/climax of the story... I'd be here all day saying the things I loved about it (although, Fred and George epic Hogwarts exit has to be mentioned).
( Read more... )

I want to talk about a taboo subject: Incest.

Now, I'm not talking abuse when one relative molests/rapes another, I'm talking the consensual kind.

I guess I should explain a bit first. In fiction, incest doesn't bother me... probably because it's like one of the ultimate forbidden romances. Think about it, Romeo and Juliet? All they had to overcome was their fueding families and their own stupidity -- all they had to do to be able to be together and for it to be okay was to leave, run away. But with incest, there is no running, there is no escaping the forbiddenness of it because it's in their blood.

But anyway, I'm reading a book right now and it's a really good book and really sad and I can't bring myself to finish it because I know how it ends and that it doesn't end well... stories like this never do, unless the author just takes the easy way out and has them turn out to not really be related.

In real life, the idea of incest (brother/sister) grosses me out -- but that's just my subjective opinion, because I could never think about my brother that way, it's just... ew. But objectively, I'm not so judgemental about it or creeped out. If two people love each other and they don't see each other as siblings, then why is that so wrong?

We don't choose who our parents are. We can't choose who we fall for... emotions don't come with an on/off switch, they just happen regardless of what is right or wrong or socially acceptable.

Now, I totally agree that people who are blood related shouldn't have children together, it increases the childs risk of having all sorts of mutations and birth defects. But, I don't see what is so wrong with incest itself.

If there are two people and they're in love with each other and when they look at each other they see and feel more than a sibling connection, what is so wrong with that?

People don't have to like it. There are people in the world against homoesexuality or people of different races or religions being together... if you strip away the having children aspect of incest, why is it any different?

A while ago, there was this thing on the news here: a man and a woman got married and then later found out they were actually brother and sister... they were adopted (or just one of them was) and had been raised in the same area and by chance, they met and fell for each other and built this whole relationship and then, just because of something completely out of their control, them being together became wrong, illegal, socially unacceptible.

It's weird talking about this, because I literally don't know how it would feel to see past the sibling thing enough to have romantic feelings for someone (and I wouldn't want to either) but at the same time, I feel nothing but sympathy for the people that do end up in that situation (note: keep in mind, I am only talking about consensual stuff here and not abuse or a relationship between an adult and someone under the age of consent). Imagine loving someone and them loving you back but you can't be together because other people say it's wrong? I'm betting loving them and being with them wouldn't feel so wrong, it's the rest of the worlds problem, not theirs.

Jeez, even step siblings and adopted siblings having relationships is a total social taboo and they're not even related by blood.

I just... don't get it. I mean, people don't have to like it or approve of it, but it's illegal in most places -- it's a victimless crime, it shouldn't be a crime at all. The fact that two people could get sent to prison just for falling in love with each other is beyond insane.

I'm probably in the minority in thinking adult consensual incest shouldn't be illegal or such a cultural taboo. As far as things like gay couples being together or couples from different races or religions goes, I believe that love is love and gender/race/religion are irrelevant... I can't really believe that but exclude incestuous relationships from that belief (once again, I'm talking consenting adults here).

What are YOUR thoughts on the subject? (And I'm talking about objectively here -- ignore the feelings that you personally have for your own siblings/relatives, I'm not asking about YOU in this situation, I'm asking what you think of it happening to other people and whether or not you think it's right for society/the law to try and control it.)

Awesome fan made Catching Fire trailer...


I want a new laptop. And Sony Vegas... I wanna be able to make fanvids, looks fun. Plus, there aren't any fan vids (or, well, any good fan vids) for a bunch of books I love -- particularly Looking for Alaska, Paper Towns and Jellicoe Road.

This is basically me just procrastinating to avoid finishing my one hour writing contest one shot. o.O

As was this (mini-banner for aforementioned one shot):




Yeah, dumble title, I'm aware. I was listening to Meteor by Owl City at the time ("I desperately need you" = lyric).

Okay, so I've pretty much had very little desire to watch animated movies since the first Shrek movie came out (at least, that I can remember)... well, maybe I should clarify: any NEW animated movies. I admit, I still own Beauty & the Beast and Thumbelina and Aladdin etc. and I watch them randomly from time to time because they remind me of how I used to feel before I figured out what a bitch life is, before I realised that it hurts.

But this, I kind of stumbled across the trailer and I actually want to see it. It looks so funny:


I'm just going to forget the "30 day" part and answer a few at once, just because I feel like it.

6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol' pen and paper?

I write mostly at night and almost always while lying down in bed (when I'm on my laptop, it's usually propped up on a stack of books on my bed while I lay on my side - weirdly, I can type effortlessly like this now with both hands). Always on the laptop, I loathe writing by hand, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts and when I write as fast as I can my handwriting is so messy.

7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?

Yes. A lot of the time I'll put a song on repeat and I won't allow myself to change it till the scene is done - if it starts to get annoying, it makes me write faster. I always make playlists for stories.

The music on the playlists sometimes fit the characters or certain scenes or just the story in general or I just associate it with the story because of the mood of the song.

8. What's your favorite genre to write? To read?

Romance. Preferrably fantasy/supernatural romance, contemporary romance is good too. There are very few books without romance that I like - I mean, I don't need it to be the main aspect of the story, just one of the aspects... like with The Hunger Games, the romance is there but I wouldn't say it's the focus.

9. How do you get ideas for your characters? Describe the process of creating them.

Sometimes I'll see a model/actress who will spark a character idea. Sometimes it'll be a name. Sometimes I'll have a story idea and the characters just flow from that.

I don't really... know what my process is. Once I know what the characters name is or what they look like the rest usually falls into place - characters are easy to create.

10. What are some really weird situations your characters have been in? Everything from serious canon scenes to meme questions counts!

A private investigator locked in a broom closet with a ghost. Three friends in a sex shop with the gay one explaining to the teen beauty queen what a butt plug is. Supernatural creatures playing dodgeball with mild explosives (dodgebomb ftw!). I dunno, there's more but I can't think of them right now.

Later.

It's not secret that I'm not Kristen Stewarts biggest fan. I was aware of her before Twilight and had seen the majority of her movies and I actually thought she was pretty decent until I started to notice a pattern in her acting where she pours too much of herself into her characters and it got to the point where I was just sick of it and unconvinced by her performances, they didn't move me or make me empathize with her characters in any way.

Her role of Bella was the worst out of all her movies and just plain bad in general (feel free to disagree, opinions are subjective and all) - when I watch the movies, so far there's only been about 2 scenes where it was like I was watching Bella, the character instead of Kristen/Kristen's version of Bella (and she's openly admitted to projecting herself onto the character, using the excuse that Bella was undeveloped as a character - to me, book Bella had more personality than movie Bella, which is saying something).

Anyway, I don't mean for this to be a rant on the Twilight movies or Kristen, I wanna talk about The Runaways.

Now, I love Joan Jett and I was a fan of hers and The Runaways before the movie was even in the works so I was kind of excited but reluctant to watch the movie in case it was more of Kristen just doing the same thing she always does... but she was really, really good. She pleasantly surprised me and proved that she does have talent as an actress. At no point during the movie did I feel like I was just watching Kristen playing dress up. She did good.

So did Dakota and the rest of the cast, it's convinced me to read Cherie's memior/biography thing (which the movie was based on), it wasn't my favourite movie ever but it is definitely deserving of all it's critical acclaim it's been getting and so are the cast (Kristen included, shocker).

There was literally just one part of the movie that bothered me and it was the fact it had Joans version of I Love Rock and Roll playing on the soundtrack... which was fine, but the part of the movie it played at was before she released it, in a scene where Joan was just rocking out in her room with her guitar. The reason it bothered me was because the way it was done in the movie made it seem like Joan wrote the song... and she didn't. She didn't write it, she just covered it. It was written and released by The Arrows, a British band, in 1976 and Joan covered it in 1981.

Not many people I've talked to have known that Joan didn't write the song or that it was a cover - I'm a fan of her version and the original, Joan definitely made the song what it is now, she made it a classic rock and roll song that pretty much everyone has heard of. I just... still don't like how it seems to give her credit for creating it when she actually covered it.

This is the original version:


But anyway, the movie was awesome and I'll probably buy the DVD (which shows how much I liked it). :]

I think I missed a few days and I have a bitch of a headache right now so I'mma catch up to distract myself till the painkillers kick in. :)

1. Tell us about your favorite writing project/universe that you've worked with and why.
2. How many characters do you have? Do you prefer males or females?


3. How do you come up with names, for characters (and for places if you're writing about fictional places)?

I've always loved names ever since I was little, seriously, naming my dolls was so fun for me and when my sisters got pregnant I swear I read the baby name books and sites more than those two - so yeah, over the years I've picked up a long list of names that I adore (mostly for girls) so I usually choose a name from that list that suits the character.

I've made up a few names, but then it turned out there were actual names anyway: Haylin (I can't remember what that was a mix of, probably something like Hayley, Kayley, Kaitlin, Hayden or something like that) and Madielle and Jax... with the made up names, I needed them to sound unusual enough to fit the time/world they were set in without being too over the top.

Guys names, those are hardest for me because there is less guys names that I like and I tend to have a thing for the simple names for guys like Nick or Christopher and stuff like that - usually guys I've met.

Sometimes I'll hear or stumble across a name I like and the name will spark a whole new character in my mind and from the character I build a story. That happened with Daly from my story Surrender.

As for places, I suck at naming places - but I also fail at geography, so making up my own places would be best, but I hate naming places so I avoid that.

4. Tell us about one of your first stories/characters!

I don't really remember my earlier stories from when I was little, even when I wasn't actually writing them down I was creating them - I just realised I did that even then when I read this question, it went beyond the normal kids making up games or playing with dolls.

But, I do remember two of the stories I wrote for English in first year of high school (when I was 11 or 12), I probably just remember these because I actually found the stories while clearing out my room last year. But anyway:

One of them was about a fashion designer and a bunch of models. The designer was putting on a fashion show and someone was killing off the models one by one as a message to the designer. I can't remember all the details but it was roughly like that and I vaguely remember something about a mannequin that was actually a body and this big confrontation on a cliff at night - turns out the designer and the models (who were actually the designers friends) had accidentally killed someone and he/someone close to him came back for revenge. I really don't remember the specifics.

The other was a ghost story about this freaky house. Again, I don't remember much of the plot but the house basically the house was one of those creepy mansions and of course, there were a bunch of kids playing dares and they went inside and inside was this freaky horror/magic world with mazes and stuff like that. I remember the kids trying to get out. And I remember that the story ends with the house disappearing but I don't remember if the kids were still inside or not - either they got out and saw it disappear or it disappeared with them in it or it disappeared with only one of them trapped inside while the others watched it vanish.

Mini-me had a thing for scary stories that weren't particularly scary. Not surprising considering I read Dracula at that age and had a thing for Point Horror books (still own those actually).

5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about “youngest” and “oldest” in terms of when you created them?

Not sure about the youngest... oh, actually, I've written a baby (whose name I've forgotten) before in my very first crappy attempt at fanfiction. The fanfic was unbelievably awful (although, someone actually PM'd me on ff last week begging me to reupload it because she was in the middle of reading o.O). So yeah, the baby was less than one year old.

Oldest, I don't know. I've written grandparents into stories but never really focus on their ages specifically... oh, wait, do vampires count? Back before the Twilight madness happened I had a bunch of vampire stories and I have characters about a century old.

As for oldest/youngest in terms of when I created them, I don't know about oldest but youngest is probably Kait Harper, the sister of my SNC main character (yes, she's named after one of the TWA people - other TWA people have characters named after them too, Kait is just the one whose personality and part of the story is figured out properly right now)

6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol' pen and paper?
7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?
8. What's your favorite genre to write? To read?
9. How do you get ideas for your characters? Describe the process of creating them.
10. What are some really weird situations your characters have been in? Everything from serious canon scenes to meme questions counts!
11. Who is your favorite character to write? Least favorite?
12. In what story did you feel you did the best job of world building? Any side-notes on it you'd like to share?
13. What's your favorite culture to write, fictional or not?
14. How do you map out locations, if needed? Do you have any to show us?
15. Midway question! Tell us about a writer you admire, whether professional or not!
16. Do you write romantic relationships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you willing to go in your writing? ;)
17. Favorite protagonist and why!
18. Favorite antagonist and why!
19. Favorite minor that decided to shove himself into the spotlight and why!
20. What are your favorite character interactions to write?
21. Do any of your characters have children? How well do you write them?
22. Tell us about one scene between your characters that you've never written or told anyone about before! Serious or not.
23. How long does it usually take you to complete an entire story—from planning to writing to posting (if you post your work)?
24. How willing are you to kill your characters if the plot so demands it? What's the most interesting way you've killed someone?
25. Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.
26. Let's talk art! Do you draw your characters? Do others draw them? Pick one of your OCs and post your favorite picture of him!
27. Along similar lines, do appearances play a big role in your stories? Tell us about them, or if not, how you go about designing your characters.
28. Have you ever written a character with physical or mental disabilities? Describe them, and if there's nothing major to speak of, tell us a few smaller ones.
29. How often do you think about writing? Ever come across something IRL that reminds you of your story/characters?
30. Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters!

1. Tell us about your favorite writing project/universe that you've worked with and why.

2. How many characters do you have? Do you prefer males or females?

I have more characters than I can be assed counting really. I mean, I have over 100 novels (varying levels of completion - some are nearly done, some are just outlined, some are started but not too far into the story) and each of those will have a handful of characters or more, then there's all the short stories I have... there's just too many to keep track of.

I prefer writing from a female perspective, but I like writing both males and females. Well, what I mean is, writing inside a characters head I usually prefer females because it's easier to write what you know and I'm always worried I'll make the guys sound too feminine or too cliche in their thoughts. But just writing characters in general, like if the story is third person or I'm writing dialogue, then it doesn't bother me too much what gender the character is.

3. How do you come up with names, for characters (and for places if you're writing about fictional places)?
4. Tell us about one of your first stories/characters!
5. By age, who is your youngest character? Oldest? How about “youngest” and “oldest” in terms of when you created them?
6. Where are you most comfortable writing? At what time of day? Computer or good ol' pen and paper?
7. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind? Are there any songs you like to relate/apply to your characters?
8. What's your favorite genre to write? To read?
9. How do you get ideas for your characters? Describe the process of creating them.
10. What are some really weird situations your characters have been in? Everything from serious canon scenes to meme questions counts!
11. Who is your favorite character to write? Least favorite?
12. In what story did you feel you did the best job of world building? Any side-notes on it you'd like to share?
13. What's your favorite culture to write, fictional or not?
14. How do you map out locations, if needed? Do you have any to show us?
15. Midway question! Tell us about a writer you admire, whether professional or not!
16. Do you write romantic relationships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you willing to go in your writing? ;)
17. Favorite protagonist and why!
18. Favorite antagonist and why!
19. Favorite minor that decided to shove himself into the spotlight and why!
20. What are your favorite character interactions to write?
21. Do any of your characters have children? How well do you write them?
22. Tell us about one scene between your characters that you've never written or told anyone about before! Serious or not.
23. How long does it usually take you to complete an entire story—from planning to writing to posting (if you post your work)?
24. How willing are you to kill your characters if the plot so demands it? What's the most interesting way you've killed someone?
25. Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.
26. Let's talk art! Do you draw your characters? Do others draw them? Pick one of your OCs and post your favorite picture of him!
27. Along similar lines, do appearances play a big role in your stories? Tell us about them, or if not, how you go about designing your characters.
28. Have you ever written a character with physical or mental disabilities? Describe them, and if there's nothing major to speak of, tell us a few smaller ones.
29. How often do you think about writing? Ever come across something IRL that reminds you of your story/characters?
30. Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters!